James Abbott McNeill Whistler´s classical book The Gentle Art of Making Enemies has been the source of inspiration for this unit in which you will be asked to interpret what the offender is really saying. Teenagers may relish coarse, violent and vulgar language, most of which could be regarded as taboo.In spite of the
fact that there are many books and dictionaries published on insults, our politically correct times demand for more sophistication and "thought filters" when interacting in society.Remember to be kind...Courtesy costs nothing...
We are surrounded by negativity; therefore arm youselves with optimism. Feel free to laugh out loud
Observe,Do not absorb. Never respond. Remember the famous quote from Wayne W. Dyer, a best-selling author,: "How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours"
ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
(I am an idiot but now I feel less alone)
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
(The only thing that will ever make me happy is your perpetual unhappiness)
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT DOING SOMETHING
FOR THE COMMUNITY,...LIKE EMIGRATING?
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU CAN WALK AND CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME?
YOUR DIET IS STILL NOT WORKING THEN?
CAN I DROP YOU OFF SOMEWHERE?
PERHAPS A VERY TALL TOWER BLOCK?
HOW CAN I FORGET YOU IF YOU WON´T LEAVE ME ALONE?
I AM BUSY NOW... CAN I IGNORE YOU SOME OTHER TIME?
DO YOU NEED TO DRESS UP FOR CARNIVAL? (YOU ARE ALREADY DRESSED UP..)
HAS YOUR FACE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT? DID YOU HAVE SURGICAL PROBLEMS?
OH, MY TREASURE, WHY DON´T YOU FIND SOMEONE TO BURY YOU?
I NEVER FORGET A FACE...
BUT IN YOUR CASE I´LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION
AND I´LL CERTAINLY REMEMBER BOTH OF YOURS
BUT YOUR BREATH SEEMS FAMILIAR.
I HOPE YOU NEVER FEEL THE WAY YOU LOOK
I ALWAYS THINK THE BEST OF PEOPLE,
WHICH IS WHY I CONSIDER YOU TO BE AN IDIOT.
I HOPE I RUN INTO YOU AGAIN SOMETIME,
PREFERABLY WHILE I´M DRIVING.
MAKE SOMEBODY HAPPY. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
IF YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT
WE COULD IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF THIS CONVERSATION.
IF THERE´S SOMETHING I CAN´T STAND
IT´S PEOPLE TALKING WHEN I´M TRYING TO INTERRUPT.
IF IT WEREN´T FOR YOUR PERSONALITY
YOU WOULD BE A REAL CHARMER.
IF I COULD AFFORD THE WOOD,
I´D BOARD YOUR MOUTH UP.
IF I PUT MY ARM AROUND YOU
I´D PROBABLY SLAP MYSELF IN THE FACE(you´re so thin)
IF I CALLED YOU A MONKEY I´D INSULT THE APES
IF IGNORANCE WERE GOLD YOU´D BE A GOLD MINE
THE MORE I THINK OF YOU THE LESS I THINK OF YOU.
HE´S SO SHORT THAT WHEN IT RAINS
HE´S ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW
HE´S SO UGLY THAT HIS MOTHER TURNED HIS BACK ON HIM INSTEAD
OF BREASTFEEDING HIM.
HE HAD AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT AT BIRTH:
HE WAS BORN .
THEY GOT THEIR GOOD LOOKS FROM THEIR FATHER
HE´S A PLASTIC SURGEON.
YOU HAVE AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX,
AND IT´S FULLY JUSTIFIED
YOU´D MAKE A PRETTY PICTURE-
I´D LOVE TO HANG YOU.
ANYONE WHO EVER TOLD YOU TO BE YOURSELF
COULDN´T HAVE GIVEN YOU WORSE ADVICE.
YOU MUST HAVE LOADS OF MONEY:
YOU SPEND NOTHING ON CLOTHES/...
YOU ARE NOT AS BAD AS PEOPLE SAY: YOU´RE MUCH WORSE
YOU ARE AS UGLY AS A REFRIGERATOR BACK
YOU ARE AS USELESS AS A KEYBOARD WITHOUT AN INTRO KEY
YOU REMIND ME OF A BUNGALOW: NOTHING UPSTAIRS
YOU LOOK DRESSED TO KILL:
I UNDERSTAND YOU COOK THE SAME WAY
THERE´S NO NEED FOR YOU TO GO ON HOLIDAY-:
YOU´RE ALWAYS ON AN EGO TRIP
YOU SHOULD SLEEP FACE DOWN TO BE KIND TO BURGLARS
I CAN TELL YOU´RE LYING: YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING.
IT´S BEEN NICE TALKING TO YOU:
MY MIND NEEDED A REST
IT´S NICE TO SEE BEING SUCCESSFUL HASN´T GONE TO YOUR HEAD:
JUST YOUR MOUTH.
IT´LL BE HARD GETTING ALONG WITHOUT YOU,
BUT LET ME GIVE IT A GO.
THERE ARE SILLY DAYS AND SILLY PEOPLE EVERY DAY
I´M TORN WITH MUCH TEACHING:HAVING NAUGHT TO IMPART.
(See similes)
(From 52 remarks and insults by that company called if)
Our students seemed to enjoy exchanging funny threats all the way, I have recorded nearly one hundred of them
. Some are so hyperbolic and exaggerated and others so trite that we can hardly bring our lips to utter them:
1. I'm gonna rip your small intestine out your mouth, and rip your large intestine out your butt, and use you as a skipping rope.
2. I'm going to grill your piles, and serve them up as jumbo hot dogs to your mum and dad.
3. I will smear your insides with tuna, hang a fishing hook down your throat, and hook out your organs one by one.
4. I´m gonna kick you in the teeth so hard that they´ll become cornflakes../you´re going to cry blood tears/ your neck is going to turn around twenty times/ your beard is going to disappear/you´re going to have fewer teeth than a hen/..
5. I´m gonna hang you up like a dried octopus
(Add your funny threat)
AN ABECEDARIAN INSULT
Sir, you are
an
APOGENOUS ARROGANT ASOCIAL ARBITRARY ABSURD
BOVARISTIC BRAINLESS BLUFF
CLUMSY CORPORATE CODGER
DEADLY, DEVASTATING AND DANGEROUS DASYPYGAL
EPICENE EMPTY ET HOC GENUS OMNE
FAINTHEARTED, FAKE FEEBLE-MINDED FELON
GALOOT, GOATISH, GREASY, GLUTTONOUS GROAK
HOMUNCULUS HALF-WIT
IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS IGNATIUS PER" IGNECIUS"
JACKANAPES
KYPHOTIC
LOUTISH LOW
MEPHITIC MOROSE MORON
NASTY, NOCENT, NOCUOUS, NOXIOUS
OBNOXIOUS, OTIOSE, OLEAGINOUS, OBSESSIVE
PIMPLY, PAPULIFEROUS PILGARLIC PUSILLANIMOUS
QUISQUOUS QUISQUILIAN
REBARBATIVE RECREMENT REPELLENT RIGID
SAPONACEOUS STABLE SMELLING STINKING SATRAP
TRASHY, TRAUMATISED, THICK HEADED TROLL
UNGUINOUS, USTULATED, USELESS, UNACCEPTABLE
VECORDIUS VARLET VICIOUS
WOODEN HEADED WHIPPERSNAPPER, WICKED WANKER
XYLOCEPHALOUS
YEMELESS YOUNKER
ZANY ZOOPHYTE
(Inspiration
came from The Superior Person´s book of Words by Peter Bowler
The above
could be addressed to people such as D. Trump or the latest principal I had to suffer
at school in the last ten years before retirement).
Try to create an abecedarian of PRAISE: Sir, you are an ADMIRABLE, AMIABLE…….
Try to make up a NEUTRAL abecedarian: Sir, you
are an ADVENTUROUS ADVERSARY….
